Bad stuff happens to good people, it is not fair but it is true. You deserved better than you got. From your original parents, from your workers and from the system, they let you down. That is not your fault. You did not make this mess you are currently sitting in, nope you didn’t. Where you are at is not the wrong place. It is exactly where they dropped you off and left you to your own devices. I would say you are exactly where you would be expected to be. But the truth is if you are not currently incarcerated, homeless, and pregnant by 20, or have lost custody of your own kids, you have already beaten the statistics. Got a job? You are a raging frigging success! I commend you, that is no small feat for folks like us.
Some of us have had it worse than others. Some of us go on to be academically successful; some have great success in their careers. Some of us beat all reasonable expectations by still being alive at 25. What I am saying baby, is that you are ok. I know you don’t believe me now but it is true.
Growing up I was lucky that I had staff and social workers who had come through the system, and they would tell me that I had the power over my own life, that things would get better and that I could do anything I put my mind to. *cough* *choke* *gag* oh yeah, *eye roll* they just didn’t understand what it was like to live in my head. They must not have been as damaged as I was in the first place. They must not have lost as much as I lost. They must not have had to resort to the kind of stuff I did to survive. They just didn’t get what it was like to be me. I just knew they were all wrong about me. I was not like them.
I cut, I drank (I blacked out), I fought, I slept around, I couch surfed for years and I did a lot of really stupid things. I hitch-hiked a crossed this country several time trying to find someplace – any place I belonged. I loved people, hurt people and I made many mistakes. It wasn’t pretty for a while, but I survived, I thrived.
…And so will you my sweet, sensitive, wounded little sister (or brother). I can see those eyes rolling now. I know you think I am wrong. I don’t know what it was like to live in your head. I don’t know what it was like to live your life or feel your pain. And I don’t know exactly. But what I do know is that our lives, our pasts, and the amount of pain we have been able to withstand have left us uniquely qualified for survival. You won’t catch me shedding a single tear because the garage door open broke.
There is a lot left here for you to do. You are the voice for our younger foster kin, our little brothers and sisters who are stuck in a broken system, most of whom will find themselves out in the cold and on their own the day they turn 18, just like you and just like me. Your voice can help advocate for them. Your voice can help change that. You have a book to write, a song to sing, a meal to serve, a hand to hold or a billboard to paint. You are crazy strong and foster care gave you a crazy powerful will.
No, you didn’t make that mess, it’s not fair but I know you are capable of cleaning it up. I know you are fully capable of doing anything that you put your mind to. And I know that you have a lot of good left to do in this life. Keep on keeping on, I have high expectations for you.
This is the first time I am coming by your blog. I hope these words touch the hearts of former fosters so they are inspired to reach out to current fosters and help bring hope to those that are in hopeless situations.
ReplyDeleteNew follower too =)
Well, I can only do what I already am into - I am working on my Master's degree in Mental Health Counseling - with a focus that will let me reach out to the youngers - and I am going to be a foster parent.... I know, I am joining the ranks of the damned, but I can't figure out how to help if I can't be near them in some way more than the neighbor......
ReplyDeleteLori, I think that is great. I am not going to knock you for that…if more empathetic people don’t foster, than that leave those who are in it for the wrong reasons. While there are lots of not good foster parents there are some really fantastic ones, unfortunately not enough to go around. I think we should welcome foster/adoptive parents, staff and workers here as long as they want to be for the KIDS. And you are about to hit the trifecta, covering all 3 corners of the triangle! High five!
ReplyDeleteNow we just have to decide how this will work. How about adding a contact page and posts can be submitted by any one, reviewed and posted through there?
And any of you who want to moderate or review please send me your email address to Sunday taylor at hot mail dot com, please.
Tamara, thank you and welcome aboard, you have an amazing story… and are a fantastic writer!
ReplyDeleteI see you have 3 boys; I have three girls to match, 3, 5 and 12. Since LT, asked in a recent post is it possible for foster kids to become good parents, maybe you wouldn’t mind doing a post about that to get us started. ; )
I love the idea of a family tree. Good luck with this and if I can do anything to support let me know.
ReplyDeleteSunday - actually, I don't want foster/adoptive parents or staff on here... I hate to say it, I mean unless they were fosters, I am not comfortable.... truly.
ReplyDeleteLori, not as authors,I was thinking they might be able to get something out of seeing our perspective and interacting with us. As long as they can keep the perspective that this blog an up lifting and supportive blog and is about foster kids and alumni, then I personally think it would be good to be welcoming. But that is just how I look at it.
ReplyDeleteSunday, this is really beautiful, I feel like I could have wrote that myself LOL...I enjoyed it so much that I shared it with a few people in our fosters forum, of course I added your name to it =)we all need to be reminded at times just how unique we really are, and that through our pain we still can become who it is we intended to be. We are strong individuals and though we were wounded we survived!
ReplyDelete