…The past is never far.
Warmer weather means short sleeves. Short sleeves mean exposing myself, my pain and my past to the world. It has been over 20 years since I put blade to skin, 20 years, since I have I have sought to relieve internal pain by bringing it out to the surface where it could be seen, and felt. 20 years and I still carry the marks of my past. My brand, my survivors tattoo, the sign to myself and the world that something went terribly wrong here, and I will never forget.
And we should never forget. The pain you inflict on a child lives in them forever. The pain lives on, whether they wear in on their sleeves or carry in their hearts, it lives on.
Sometimes I forget that they are there. I can go months without giving it much thought…but they remain, 20 years later... are still there…for all to see.
Some scars never see the light of day... sometimes you have to bring them out so that they heal completely. I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteI know all to well my friend, wow this story brings me back to that very child that use to use anything, broken glass even to cut up my arms. (Sigh) Thank you for sharing Sunday.
ReplyDeleteThank you guys. i am not alone...nice to know!
ReplyDeleteHi Sunday,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this. I have never been a cutter, but I have battled with the thoughts of suicide all my life. Give or take I suppose I can say I am better now. As a freshman in college, I met this girl that is my best friend today and she was a cutter. No one ever understood her; I just tried to be there. We had a strange relationship at first, especially because I noticed her scars. Anytime she felt the urge to cut she would slide a note under my door and I would come to her room and talk with her. This went on for years. I don't as time passed her cutting slowed down, but her problems still existed. Today, she doesnt talk much about cutting, but she does mention the reminder of the pain she was going through. I can only imagine it. My prayer for you both is peace...for all of us that have suffered from one point to another. And you are right, the pain you inflict in a child lives forever. Its so sad but true. I think of the situations in my life that have bound me to chains that I cant seem to break no matter how much I think I have gotten it together. Thank you for sharing and writing this.