Now What?

I tend to be a very private person. I like to keep major aspects of my life a secret from friends and coworkers because I don't trust anyone with the whole puzzle. I have learned that this gives them the upper hand (or at least it certainly feels that way), and that is not a position I like to be in. I think it's for this reason that I have never been able to make any close friends. I simply cannot allow anyone to truly know me or what I am thinking. I hope to overcome this one day.

In recent months, blogging about my past has been my attempt at vulnerability. My wife is accustomed to my quirks, but I imagine sometimes it makes her want to scream into her pillow. I don't really blame her; sometimes I frustrate myself. For example, the other day at work during a staff meeting, my coworkers began to discuss their personal involvement in our community. The topic led to a discussion that spanned a variety of organizations they were associated with; from food pantries to farmers markets. This definitely was a topic of interest to me, one that I could have joined in and shared a little bit about myself, but I was silent.

My silence wasn't for lack of community involvement on my part. I simply cannot share. To tell the truth, volunteer work is something that I discovered about a year ago. For the longest time I always thought of volunteers as people with extra time on their hands. Coming from little money, I also had a hard time wrapping my mind around spending my time working for free when I could find a second job and work for more cash.

In 2009, I hit rock bottom- emotionally, financially, and spiritually. I had no idea what I was doing, I couldn't think of a reason for my existence. The question that kept echoing in my mind was- now what? My entire childhood was a lie, and my parents were living out their delusions in prison. I was convinced that I was the offspring of two people who should have never met. I felt foolish for thinking that I could become something good. Something better than my parents. I had cursed blood running through my veins. My DNA was tainted. I had dreams... so many dreams and aspirations. So, now what?

I will spare you the details about how I overcame that mentality. That is not the reason for my posting. I mention it because I know there are others out there like me, who have had the negligent, abusive parent. You have been through the foster care system. You face each day trying to catch up to who you feel you should be, always wondering what life "could have" been like, or what you "could have" accomplished if only given the fair chance. The lesson I learned in all of this is that we can spend so much time looking back, and we all should, but at some point we need to decide if this was all for nothing or if we will use it for good. We have a unique outlook on life, one that "normal" people don't quite understand. We have traveled down a road that, unfortunately, so many more will walk down. Is it not our duty to reach out and lend a shoulder to cry on? An understanding ear to listen? So again I ask... now what?

For me I found the answer in diving into volunteer opportunities. Some of them have worked out fairly well, while others were not for me. I think if we just take a look around we will find kids who are hurting, kids who will at some point decide it is easier to just give up if someone does not intervene. I want to list some of the organizations that I am involved with. I hope that perhaps this will inspire someone to evaluate their passions and to become aware of what they have to offer. Again, this is something that I could never share out loud, and I hate writing about it because it feels pretentious. But I truly feel that if we all took some action we could shed some light on someone's dark day. Perhaps it will be the light they hold onto for years to come when all they feel like doing is throwing in the towel.

Children's Church
I realize that church is like coffee, some people like decaf, others like a lot of creamer. Some people detest coffee and will never try it. I am not promoting church attendance. However, I do happen to attend a large church. In fact it's huge. I know that's not everyone's cup of tea (or coffee). Because of it's size, my church has three sunday services and they were constantly in need of volunteers to work with the kids in children's church. About a year ago, I began volunteering with the third graders during two of the services, and I attend the third. Collectively I am responsible for approximately forty kids each week. Volunteering in this capacity has allowed me to be a constant in their life. I am an adult that will take the time to speak to them and ask them about their week. Some of the third graders I encounter lead a charmed life, no doubt about it. But periodically I come across one that just needs someone to really "see" them, or to make them smile and ! laugh. Although I may never know what impact I am having on them, I constantly remind myself of the times I felt alone and how much it would have meant if someone would have invested some interest in me. This experience has been so rewarding that I recently signed up to work with the middle school aged group on Wednesday nights. For those not affiliated with a church, I would imagine that the Boys and Girls Club is very comparable to the type of work that I mention here. In fact it's an organization I think of volunteering with from time to time. You can check it out here: http://www.bgca.org/

Big Brothers Big Sisters
BBBS is an organization that matches adult men and women with a young boy or girl in need of an adult role model. About a year ago, I applied to become a "Big". It was something that I had always thought that I would do "one day". I kept telling myself that I needed to be wiser, and more successful. I thought it a bit foolish of me for thinking that I could be a mentor to a young boy. So, it was a bit like jumping off of a cliff, head first without a safety net, when I submitted my application online. I figured I would try it out. The process from application to match seemed a bit lengthy, but from what I hear it was fairly quick compared to other match efforts. About a month after I submitted my application, I was called for an interview. The interview lasted for about an hour and covered basic information about myself, such as hobbies and dislikes. It basically felt like applying for one of those dating match services (not that I have ever done that). ! Some of the questions covered my family life growing up. Because of my unconventional childhood, I was afraid that my answers would automatically disqualify me from participating. I guess that's the part of me that feels like my past makes me "not good enough". After the interview they called my references and conducted a background check. It was five months before I received the phone call that they had matched me with a "little". BBBS setup an appointment for me to meet with my "little" and his mom. At the meeting they had an activity, as an icebreaker, for me and my "little" to participate in together. At the same meeting we each signed commitment papers that detailed what our roles were in this relationship. The boy that I have been matched with is super smart and very easy to hang out with. They did a great job matching our personalities. BBBS would like for us to meet at least twice a month. I try to meet with him at least three! or four times during the month. If not only for an hour or so! . What I have learned from this experience is that kids don't care about your status in life or what you have accomplished. They only notice the promises you make and whether or not you keep them. They pay attention to your actions and they decide whether or not to mimic them. This is definitely a program that I suggest checking out:http://www.bbbs.org

Street Grace
SG is an organization founded here in Metro Atlanta. Their goal is to abolish child sex trafficking. Unfortunately, Atlanta is one of the highest ranked cities for child sex trafficking in America, but it is not exclusive to the big cities, as I originally imagined. During my research, I have found that this is something that is happening in rural areas of the country as well. Although statistics clearly point toward a nationwide problem, little is being done to prevent it from happening in the first place. Victims who are rescued from this ordeal are often thrown into a group home. I think it's safe to say that we all know that group homes are really a catch-all for society's outcast. Child sex trafficking is an issue that seems to belong in movies about third world countries. Unfortunately it is not. Volunteering in this capacity is a bit different, because it is a very slow process. Our main effort is to raise awareness with the public and our state lawmakers. We are curr! ently in the process of organizing teams of people to respond in different capacities when a child is reported missing. I encourage you to search for similar organizations in your community. I know this issue requires a strong stomach, but it is something that needs attention. If you question if this is happening near you, don't take my word for it. Go to craigslist and take a look at how many personal ads are listed for "18 year-old girls" that are "looking for fun".

Guys Read
This is an outreach to try to engage boys in reading. Statistics show that boys do not read as much as girls do. In fact, reading is something that boys associate as a female activity. Now, I must say that I did not receive this memo when I was a young boy, because I loved to read, and still do. However, I can attest to the fact that boys and men alike will absolutely refuse to do something if it is considered "girlish". The Guys Read program is a grassroots movement to get men to engage the boys in their communities to pick up a book and get lost in a story. This program caught my attention because I truly believe that reading saved my life. During my childhood, reading a book was my only connection to the outside world. Because I was not allowed to attend school, reading taught me things that nothing else could have. This program has been successfully implemented in schools and libraries throughout the country. I have only recently begun to work with our local ch! apter, but I think it is a program worth looking into. www.guysread.com

CASA
CASA is an acronym for Court Appointed Special Advocates. Their website describes this program as follows: The CASA program empowers everyday citizens as appointed members of the court. In an overburdened social welfare system, abused and neglected children often slip through the cracks among the hundreds of cases. CASA volunteers change that. Appointed by judges, CASA volunteers typically handle just one case at a time—and commit to staying on that case until the child is placed in a safe, permanent home. Volunteers get to know the child and talk with everyone in that child's life—parents and relatives, foster parents, teachers, medical professionals, attorneys, social workers and others. They use the information they gather to inform judges and others of what the child needs and what will be the best permanent home for them......... I know that many of us have expressed our opinion of what is lacking in the foster care system. Perhaps this is a way for us to make a dif! ference in the life of a child. I know it would have been great to have had an advocate looking out for my best interest. It sure would have been nice for someone to point out when the social workers and house parents contradicted themselves to cover their own butts at my expense. I've only recently applied to participate in this program, so I cannot speak from experience. If you are interested in checking it out, go to: www.casaforchildren.org

I hope that my post will encourage you to think about how you can reach out and give back. We're all survivors, I think we all have something unique to offer and can make a huge difference if we try.

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